Reflections on a year of nursing

My daughter will turn one this week, which means we have sustained an excellent breastfeeding relationship for a whole year. Granted, my daughter is a total nurse-a-holic, but I know I’m rounding down if I say we have nursed 8 hours per day on average over the past year. That’s almost 3000 hours! Of course, that includes some night-time hours of nursing while my daughter and I co-sleep. But something that takes up so much time and energy in my life merits a little reflection.

Nursing is comforting for both mom and baby.

First, a brief introduction to our nursing relationship. Evee was born at 11:11am on April 13, 2013. Labor lasted 11 hours, and no drugs, epidurals or interventions were used. Part of my decision to abstain from medical pain relief was to avoid any effects of these drugs altering the alertness of my newborn baby, and to avoid the “slippery slope” of the intervention chain, as each intervention increases the odds of ultimately getting a C-section. Every woman has different goals when envisioning their child’s entry into the world, and for me, the most important thing was holding my daughter immediately after delivery without the distraction of measuring and prodding that hospital protocols tend to favor these days. I wanted my daughter to complete her scary journey out of her warm, watery home to immediately experience the outside world as the safety of her mother’s arms and the warmth of her mother’s breast. With the fortune of good health, the marvel of giving birth in a very liberal and conscientious city, and quite a bit of grit on my part (if I say so myself), that goal was realized.

But learning to nurse over those first few weeks was hard. Every woman imagines that putting baby to breast will be the most natural thing in the world, and biology and instinct will overpower any need for technique and finesse. However, with nursing, that just doesn’t seem to be the case. There are a myriad of issues that a new mom may encounter, including latch problems, over supply, under supply, tongue tie, mastitis, thrush, plugged ducts, growth spurts and engorgement (to name just a few of the biggies) and I seemed to battle them all at one point or another. And without information, encouragement and support, women often buckle under the pressure of learning to nourish the babe at their breast, especially while battling recovery from childbirth, sleep deprivation and the suite of hormones that make all new moms just a wee bit insane. That’s why women need to start this journey armed with information and surrounded by people who are committed to helping them meet their goals! Because let me say from experience that holding on through the tough parts is worth it.

See? Nursing really is a team effort. Stuffed ostrich and kitty are mission-critical.

In fact, during some of my most vivid memories of the first months of my daughter’s life, that strong, quiet connection was a balm to my breaking heart. I can recall nursing when doctors told my mother that there were no resources left to fight her cancer. Two weeks later, putting baby to breast while listening to my mother’s labored breathing, waiting for the morphine I administered moments earlier to bring her peace. Nursing while discussing agendas with the funeral director, nursing while meeting with the minister. My 11-week old daughter was peacefully at my breast while the final prayers were spoken over my mother’s grave. When everything else in my world seemed wrong, this felt right.

Enough with my own emotional roller coaster and on to some hard facts. There are thousands of resources that show the health benefits of breastfeeding for both mom and baby, with La Leche League being an especially reputable source of information. Breastmilk provides the specific ratio of fat and protein, vitamins and minerals that Mother Nature deemed ideal for infant survival and growth. This power-packed meal also comes with loads of antibodies manufactured in the mother’s body to battle against the germs and diseases that mother encounters in her daily life, and therefore these antibodies are perfectly designed to battle the same germs and diseases that baby will encounter. The configuration of breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding brings the baby other benefits such as reduced need for orthodontia and lower risk of speech impairment. Breastfeeding is also related to higher infant IQ scores and greater levels of childhood independence. Every time mom latches baby to her breast, her brain releases a hormone cocktail with key players like oxytocin and prolactin that bring loving feelings, strengthening her bond with her child, encourage future milk making, delay ovulation, relieve stress and even cue sleep. Duration of breastfeeding has been related to maternal weight loss (shedding the “baby weight” put on during pregnancy) and reduced rates of reproductive cancers in the mother such as breast, ovarian and uterine cancer.

Formula, typically based on cow’s milk (but also available with other bases for the allergic or otherwise special-needs baby) has been engineered in a lab to mimic human breastmilk as closely as possible, while of course adding preservatives and such to make these powders shelf stable. And formula is a god send! It saves lives in many cases when for whatever reason baby cannot have mother’s milk. However, the important point to remember is that formula is just a substitute. It will absolutely keep baby nourished when he or she can’t access the real thing. But breastfeeding is normal. This system has been developed over millions of years of evolutionary history to provide mammalian offspring the best fitness, which is (obviously!) going to yield a considerably more fine-tuned nourishment plan than a powder that has been designed by scientists over a handful of decades.

This is what my baby looked like when she wasn’t warm, snuggly and nursing.

So why am I bothering with this blog? There are countless resources in libraries and on the internet that have much more detailed explanations of the breastmilk vs. formula debate, and (thankfully!) the societal trend in the US has been swinging back to “breast is best” over the past generation. However, people still don’t know. If this topic has been researched extensively, we are all in agreement and the case is closed, then why is it still so difficult for a mother to choose to breastfeed her baby?

Why are there still places where it is socially unacceptable to bare your breast to feed your child? Are women expected to nurse in a bathroom stall anytime they are out of the house and their baby gets hungry? Or are moms just not allowed to leave the home at all with an infant in tow? Why isn’t there more support for new moms learning to latch, dealing with engorgement or mastitis or supply issues or tongue ties? Why isn’t lactation consultation part of every health care plan? Why are the growth charts at pediatricians’ offices standardized around the growth rates of formula-fed infants? Why are people asking mothers about weaning when their baby is 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months, or 9 months? Worldwide weaning age (today, historically and anthropologically) is anywhere between 2 years and 5 years.

Crazy, huh? It’s like society has lost its damn mind. We’ve let prudishness, consumerism and even the so-called “feminist” agenda deprive us of the chance to mother our young the way biology and instinct drive us. In the hustle and bustle of competitive careers and Pinterest-worthy house keeping, do we not have the time or energy to nurse our babies? In this age of technology, with Facebook instead of phone calls and texting at the dinner table, is this just one more way to avoid intimate human connection? Surrounded by over-sexualized media, is the image of a nursing mom really so offensive? I don’t accept that.

Let’s all do our part to welcome moms and babies back into society.